PASTOR'S THOUGHT

Sorry for long silence.

Well, I celebrated my 53rd birthday yesterday. Nothing, really except that I had a wonderful dinner with my family at Chillies (Jud food the bill). Other than that my dear wife got me a watch! How sweet of her!

It’s been nearly 3 months now that my family was hit with a health crisis. It’s tough in the beginning but now, holding onto God for a complete healing for Ean Beng, we are walking on much more sure footing. God is good all the time. He showed his goodness through the community of faith – through many people who cared for us. We have people constantly praying for her healing. We have people coming around to give words of encouragement. We have people giving us financial aid. We have people who bring food, fruits, and shower us with love, care and concern. Where in the world could you find such love, generosity, and strength? It’s only found in the body of Christ. I am truly touched. I am truly grateful. I am forever changed.

God is good. Ean Beng received a good payout from SOSCO (government aided insurance scheme for workers with disability). She’s happy her prayer was answered.  She would most likely received government funding to purchase her medicine for her cancer treatment. We should know the result in  a week’s time. The funding would be of tremendous help to us.  While we are waiting for the GH to dispense the medicine we receive treatment form Mt Miriam cancer hospital. The cost is very high BUT God has been supplying all our financial needs through the generosity of the people of God in the church. We are forever grateful. Words would never be able to fully and adequately express what we felt in our hearts. So far…financially we are coping very well. Thanks a million to all who have been used by God to give to us. We (my family) give thanks to each one of you specifically for your love offering in our time of needs.

She is feeling so much better now even though she still cough and have difficulty in breathing at times. But the frequency is less now and she’s able to sleep. She is able to work (at home only) especially in the morning but have to take a rest in the afternoon. She’s not able to exert herself too much but she’s really very much normal. From observation she’s doing fine. Please continue to pray for her. We are believing God for a complete healing.

I wish I could be like those who are always motivated, always on the move, and always inspired to do something. Nowadays I am a little low on motivation – maybe it’s because age is catching up, maybe it’s a “lepak” lifestyle that I gotten myself into BUT whatever, it’s hard to get inspired.

I am not making excuses here but just wanting to be honest about my “state” of affairs. Well, I am still doing what needs to be done. I am still actively writing bible study notes for cell group, preparing sermons, and Sunday morning bible class which I enjoyed thoroughly. I just need the extra omph to dream something bigger than myself for the unfinished task that God has for me. I know what it is. I know that time is short. But something must happen to crank up the engine and get me going.

On the family front, Ean Beng is progressing fine. She has put on some weight. She can sleep well, eats well, and have very little side-effect. Thank God for that. Friends still come around to encourage her, help her and prayed for her. I love the family of God. I love the community that I am a part of. God is good and he has supplied for our needs whenever we are in need.

It’s been more than a month now into the crisis. It’s been a challenge – change of routine, change of perspective, and other changes. It’s also one rough road that we are driving through – disappointments, long wait at the hospital, car accidents, and children about to leave home. Through it all, as for me and my wife, it’s also about growing closer to God – hearing from him on a daily basis, a new understanding of God’s Word and work in our lives, and a new appreciation of his love for us.

It’s been wonderful to have my immediate family standing with us at this time. It great to have the extended family (the church family) standing with us too! We have so many people praying for her, visiting her, cook for her and the family, bought fruits for her, and gave us financial help. If that’s not love in action I don’t know what that is! Lord I thank you for each and everyone of them who come and pray for her, who cook for her and who gave us finances for her medicaion.

Today God has supplied through the love of the brethren enough finance to get the expensive treatment for the next few months. I am grateful. But we are praying that come September 12 our meeting with the General Hospital’s Oncologist would yield a favor – free medicine for her. BUT we are still believing God for a total healing so that she can go on to fulfill her heart’s desire.

God bless all of you for your prayers, servant heart and financial support.

It’s been a week now that my wife’s gene test positive for the latest chemo drugs for her treatment. Praise God – after one month of grueling tests after tests, waiting day after day for some good news and none coming, it is a fresh air to know that she can use the drugs IRRESA. Now is to pray that the drug will do its job and to do it well. While at the same time I felt that because so much prayers have been going up to the throne of God for her, she’s beginning to feel the unction of the Holy Spirit. I am very touched by the community of faith that I belong to. I am eternally grateful that so many people come around us to offer prayers, words of encouragement, and financial help. It’s overwhelming BUT a good one though – overwhelmed by the love of the brethren, overwhelmed by the love of God!

Day by day I am learning to walk with him. I am earning to trust in him fully and completely. The saying by Eugene Peterson “a long obedience in the same direction” rings so true in our lives today. I need to walk in obedience in the same direction – though it’s a long road, uphill at times, but still plodding along with the yoke of Christ upon our shoulder. That’s the most important lesson in my life. Last Sunday I spoke of being tenacious in our spirit – stubborn and determine for the Lord. We may have questions and the Lord is patient to let us rant away all our frustrations, fear, and doubts, and the whys BUT at the end of the day we must not stomp out on him, we must not walk out. We need to be like Habbakkuk – though the fig should not blossom and there be no herds in the stall, yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

My wife and I will have to start learning to walk with the Lord on a daily basis and to begin to be the persons that he wants us to be and to do the things he has called us to do – to the best of our ability. It’s going to be tough but it’s going to be the most exciting seasons of our lives – converging into something that makes two individual lives that are bound together in marriage for the last 26 years to ONE SINGLE CALLING, one single task, and one single purpose for the Lord. What that is is still in the works, in the process BUT we will find out real soon. I am sure it will be a ministry that God has molded both of us over the years and the passion that was placed within our hearts to blossom together into one single unifying purpose for the rest of our lives!

Looking forward to exciting times!

For months the Lord was teaching me the difference between believe and trust. It’s one thing to believe what God said (could be intellectually or even emotionally) but to really trust in his ability to perform, to carry it out in one’s present situation is another thing. I remember challenging the people to seriously trust in God’s ability as all-knowing to perform what is best for us. We should not doubt him but be able to let go and let God.

Not knowing what lies ahead I found myself faced with a “mountain’ in front of me. Now the ball is on my court. So what say now? Am I able to trust in his ability to lead me and guide because he knows everything about me and my family and has our best interest in his heart? It’s really tough. It’s really an uphill battle. I search my heart trying to understand and I think that if I am honest my problem is that I could not let go of the control of my own life. I needed to be in control. I needed to be able to accurately predict what would come ahead of me and my family.

The Scripture said that His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I know what that means; his illumination and guidance is bright enough for my next step, bright enough for the path around me. We often don’t know the end. This verse is more real to me than ever before. Not only real but a challenge to apply it truthfully and honestly in my life.

What do you do when you have statements that leave you wondering especially in the night before you go to sleep? All the statements come from the hospital -

- The journey is a long one

- I am a little disappointed – the CA has spread to the liver

- This CA is agressive

BUT I have to make a choice: Am I going to trust in God’s ability to take us through this so called “darkness”, holding onto him tightly, and fight this through OR am I going to let statements and words to diminished our hope in God? I am believing God for a miracle, a healing, and a wonderful life for my wife so she can give God all the glory and fulfill all that God has promised her.

The PET CT Scan confirmed the CA had spread to the liver. There is a spot. The Oncologist in Mt Miriam did not recommend any surgery. But we said we wanted a second opinion. We got the help of Gim See to set up a meeting with the heart surgeon, Datuk Dr. Hamzah. We met with him and he concur with the oncologist BUT he is willing to explore the possibility of a chemo treatment for the next two or three months and then if the tumor in the lungs shrink in size he will operate to remove it. He told us that he had done it to patient just two or three weeks ago. He doesn’t know how effective it would be but that’s a good chance of better palliative care after that. To do the surgery now would be to remove the whole of the right lung BUT to do it after the tumor shrink in size would save some of the right lung.

The next step is to go for the best treatment and see what happen in three months time.

But putting aside all the facts – the scan, the doctor’s advice, and the different possible treatments, we are coming back to the one very important piece of truth: GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE AND HE IS STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF HEALING. I was reflecting on this and I told the Lord: “Father, I have read so many reports of healing when your Son was on earth, I had heard of the reports of people healed from AIDS in Africa, and even here in Penang there had been testimony of your healing, I am SURE YOU CAN HEAL EAN BENG. I am going to keep on asking you for nothing less than a miracle for her.”

Am I being bold? Someone said that we can’t try to manipulate the will of God through prayer. Yes and No would be my reply. Yes he is sovereign. He holds the world in his hand and he is the author of life. That’s who God is. But he is my father and he is Ean Beng’s father. He had said in his word that healing is the children’s bread. We do not pray trying to twist the hands of God but we pray in order to praise him for being a covenant keeping God and for being a compassionate Father. He’s a prayer-answering God. The character of God is such that he will respond, he will lead us and he will give us the grace that we need.

That’s just my musing. I am believing God for a complete healing. I am trusting God for a complete healing!

My feeling is on a roller-coaster ride; sometimes I feel happy and could go on and at other times thoughts just invade my mind and left me with an aching heart. It’s hard to explain. If you are in my situation you would probably understand me. I would be with thoughtful friends and it helps to ease my pain because they cheer me up, they showed me that there is hope and they care. And then there’s a lot of sms; people praying for my wife and family at this time. I would feel safe, happy, and tremendously encouraged. Phone calls from family and friends saying that they are standing by us. All of these lift up my spirit. I guess that’s what the family of faith – the community of faith – is all about!!

But I also received opinions of what to do to fight cancer. There are so many suggestions, so many advices, so many things to consider, and the doctor’s test. It really makes my mind spin. I am not saying that it is bad but I am confused with the battle of opinions. It’s so hard to make a decision at this point of time. I have to wait for the doctor’s report this Monday – surgery, chemo-therapy, herbs, and what not!!

Then I have a great challenge – money! It’s not easy. I thank the people who have reached out to us and are willing to chip in financially for her medical treatment BUT I must also take responsibility too! Well…once again at the bottom-line – I have to go to God and learn to hear from Him and to then completely trust him. Obedience is the key to trusting Him. What does my wife thinks about too is very important – after all it’s her life.

SO – GUESS WHAT? I AM COMING BACK TO THE VERY BEGINNING. TOTALLY DEPENDENT UPON GOD FOR LIFE, HEALTH, AND WHATEVER NEEDED. HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME AND HIS STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT IN ALL OUR WEAKNESSES. A MERRY HEART DOES GOOD LIKE A MEDICINE!

It’s no fun waiting for reports and to come out from the doctor’s office without any “good news” at all. It can be heart-wrenching, painfully aware of the frailness of our human soul. I had often spoken about the grace and mercies of God. This is the time that I truly need his great mercy and grace to carry us (my family) through. To say that it is easy is not to tell the truth. To say that I am completely hopeless is also not true. I have come to a place that I could only cry out to the Lord for favor, grace, and mercy. We are totally dependent upon him right now.

This morning, in my prayer time, God brought a verse to my mind: “A merry heart does good like a medicine – a broken spirit dries the bones.” Suddenly I realized that Ean Beng needs all the healthy cells within her to fight all the cancer cells. I told her that staying positive in God, praising him at all times, and have a hearty laugh would produce healthy cells to fight off the bad cells.

Armed with that thought I began to pray aloud and call for the healthy cells within her to rise up and fight the battle., I am not advocating POSITIVE THINKING but merely exercising what the Word of God instructed us to do – praise him in the morning, praise him in the noontime, and praise him all the time. It is acknowledging him as Lord, Savior, and healer. With that our spirit will be lifted up – laughter will be as good as medicine.

There is no time to be depressed – I have to tell myself that all the time. I must praise the Lord at all time. Please stay with me on this: Praise God for he is great, good, and he knows all things. All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and walk according to his purpose. I am believing that for my wife.

I just came back from the hospital with Ean Beng and guess what? Yes, the result is positive – she has cancer. I was devastated BUT upon reflection I want to rise above the situation and trusting God is the only option for us. This is truly a test of my faith and all that I believe in. Funny, it’s easy to talk about taking it in strike what comes along our way but in reality not so easy.

Well I guess I will have to put what I believe into action – his grace is sufficient for us and his strength is make perfect in all our weaknesses. There’s really nothing to stand on now except to put my entire faith and trust in the living God. Whatever the outcome I must still praise the Lord. But I am trusting God for a miracle, I am trusting God to see us through this difficult time.

For those who knows us I covet your prayers. Praise the Lord.

DAY ONE

Yesterday I took my wife to the hospital to see a Respiratory Physician for a check up. The waiting is long. Waiting to see the doctor hoping for a more positive and encouraging words. Doctors don’t have many positive words, only advice on what to do with the worst scenario.

But I thank God for this doctor, a fellow believer, and she was gentle, thorough, and helpful. She even give free consultation (she didn’t charge us for her consultation). Well, she will have to go through a biopsy test for sure. The only thing is that the test is only 70% accurate. There seems to be a catch everywhere along the way.

It’s so funny. First the doctor said that the X-ray shows some mass / infection on the chest area and that a CT Scan would determine what it is. After the CT Scan they said that it only confirmed that there is a mass but cannot determine whether it is a cyst, fats or cancerous. She had to do a biopsy. The doctor said that the biopsy cannot give a 100% accuracy of what it is. Well, at the bottom-line, there are so many tests but we can never be sure of anything.

I think the best is to trust in God. His promise is YES and Amen.

DAY TWO

Finally she checked into the “5 star hotel” but first she has to be at the transit area because the “hotel” is fully booked. She will only know at about 12 whether she has a bed! I am trusting God for a favorable result. It’s really a journey of faith and trust. I am so disoriented that I don’t have a right frame of mind to work, to get things done except to write my thoughts right this moment.